Helping verses Hindering: Let’s Heal Together
The difference between helping and hindering is when you understand it’s not about relying on the person, instead it’s more of considering the person needs! ~LWB Butterfly.
You can’t keep helping people who don’t appreciate or respect your help. There is a point when helping becomes hindering. No when it’s time to let go so they can grow. ~Tony Gaskins
Life can be good and it can be challenging. There are times when we are in our peak moments, and then there are times we may face some valleys. Some people are strong enough to endure those valleys, and there are others who needs support and help to guide them during their valleys/challenges. You have to be wise enough to understand when helping is needed versus hindering someone from having a life learning experience, especially when it comes to others making choices for their life. Does a person really want others to help them or are they just relying on them to fix it for them? You have to know the difference and make the best decision for yourself and the other person. If things are really getting hard for someone you care about, what is the best decision you can make for their outcome? Should you help them or direct them to get help? Remember, it’s not your final decision if you choose to help, and it’s not received. Do you get upset if that person does not do want you are advising? Does that mean your help is really not for the other person, or is it for your own benefit and satisfaction of saying that you helped and want the recognition.
Sometimes help can appear like dictatorship, so be mindful of that when you decide to help someone. It’s important to understand that making a decision to seek help can be a tough thing for an individual to do and pride can become a factor. Realizing that you may need help can be scary and difficult to face, so it’s understandable that a person may take some time before deciding to seek help. Most of us want to feel independent, and asking for help causes the need for dependency. It is important to know your boundaries and respect others choices for their life. If it was happening to you, I am sure you would want the same respect. I have some pointers and steps that you can consider as you decide to help someone. Think about if your help will hinder them from experiencing something that could possibly help them mature in life, or is it really going to help them with what they need.
1. Being present when the individual is not quit ready for your help. If you know that a person is going through some things it is very important to be an active listener and offer advice if it’s asked of you. Don’t feel as though you are being rejected if the time is not right for that person. Be attentive, but don’t be overbearing.
2. Being supportive when that person needs to talk (even when it’s a repeated topic). I know it can be difficult to listen to someone experiencing the same situation over and over again; however, it’s very important for you to understand that you may see clearly what is the best thing for that person to do. Nevertheless, it is up to that individual to see it for themselves. Learn how to redirect and cause a person to focus on setting goals so that they will not continue the same pattern. Don’t hinder them by causing them to rely on you. Instead, hold them accountable for their choices.
3. Offering help can be a little sticky especially if the person did not ask you. Giving unsolicited advice can cause the person to feel inferior because of your opinion. Make sure they ask you instead of you offering. This will avoid a lot of misunderstandings and it will illuminate any type of possibilities of them relying on you.
4. Be informed and try not to inform. There are times when we can cross the line when it comes to helping others and dealing with people privacy. Unfortunately, people love to share information about others’ situation without knowing the dynamics first. Make sure you are informed by the person who has the issues going on and need help with it. If you inform someone of something that they are not aware of, it could cause mistrust in your relationship with that individual.
5. Be resourceful. In order to help people we have to be knowledgeable of what that person may need to do in order to receive the correct help they need. Make sure you research before committing to help. There may be a possibility that you cannot help that person, but you can direct them to someone who can help them. That way, you will be prepared to direct them in the right direction in order for them to get what they’re seeking after.
6. Be sensitive. It is hard for people to open up and share what they are going through in life. Be sensitive to that person who is seeking after help. The last thing you want to do is cause someone to shut down because your advice is too strong for them to handle.
7. Set boundaries. This eliminates hindering someone from getting what they need versus what they want. Set a limit for yourself on how to help others. Be willing to be there, but not in a way that would frustrate you nor cause you to resent helping that person. Remember, helping people should come from a genuine place, and not from feeling obligated to do it. The reality could be that you may not be able to help that person, and just be at peace with that. There comes a time when a person must see what they want for themselves, and you as a helper must respect that.
I personally love helping others, but I had to learn how not to allow my caring heart towards those I love to hinder them from experiencing things for themselves. I had to learn how to fall back and trust the outcome. We all need help in life, and want to feel comfortable with whomever we have reached out to. Some people really go through difficult thing in life. So don’t ignore anyone, just know how to decipher between what help really looks like. Remember, sharing is caring! ~LWB Butterfly 🦋.